One of the first things Buffy the Vampire Slayer teaches us about the frightening business of slaying is that it’s a lonely calling. The young woman fated to be that generation’s Slayer stands alone, as nobody else boasts the supernatural strength, reflexes and such needed to go toe-to-toe with the demonic hordes.
In the case of Buffy Summers, however, things are a little different. She isn’t entirely alone. While she and the Scoobies have prevented the end of the world together countless times, they’re not quite the tight-knit machine fans may think. Even the relationship between Buffy and the supposedly ever-faithful everyman Xander Harris is very rocky, and here are some reasons why.
10 He’s Attracted To Her
In the show’s very first episode, Buffy arrives at Sunnydale High and meets a lot of the major players, including Rupert Giles, Willow Rosenberg and Xander himself. With regards to the latter, the dynamic between the two is made instantly clear: Xander has a huge crush on Buffy.
Unrequited love is a devastating concept, and we see the pain it causes Xander several times over the course of Buffy’s early run. However hard the pair try to maintain a purely platonic relationship, Xander’s crush is always a little background niggle in their minds to complicate things.
9 He’s Remarkably ‘Ordinary’
Granted, this is the case with several of the Scoobies. When we first meet the shy, reserved Willow, for instance, we have no inkling on the formidable powerhouse of a witch she’d become later. The Scarlet Witch of the Buffyverse is nobody to trifle with, that’s for darn sure. Just ask Warren and the skin he no longer has.
In this world of werewolves, witches and vampires who may or may not be evil depending on the time of day, Xander is a bit of an ill fit in the Scooby gang. With no head for research, he’s often a bit of a spare part.
8 His Complicated Relationship With Anya
Speaking of ill fits in the Scooby Gang, let’s take a look at the on-again-off-again vengeance demon, Anya. Her story arc first presents her as the villain of the piece, before develops feeling for Xander and the pair embark on a long-term relationship.
This relationship, as fans will know, didn’t have a happy ending (though it was supposed to), and Xander’s friendship with Buffy took a huge hit during the fallout. She tried to remain loyal to him, but in the midst of her own tumultuous love life, she couldn’t understand the decisions he’d made.
7 Buffy’s Own Complicated Relationship With Anya
So, yes. Amidst all the supernatural deaths, sacrifices and hideous claw-y mutilations the show brought us, one of Buffy’s most tragic scenes was an all-too-ordinary one: the wedding that never was.
In the aftermath, Xander still harboured feelings for Anya, and fought bitterly against Buffy’s decision to kill her. In her grief, Anya became a fully-fledged vengeance demon once more, dolling out grotesque, heart-ripping ‘justice’ on one awful occasion. Not only had Xander destroyed his relationship with his would-be wife, but he and Buffy would never see eye to eye on this issue and it hurt them too.
6 She Can’t Really Rely On Him In A Fight
Now, of course, this isn’t to say that Xander hasn’t dusted a few vamps and sliced a few demons into gory, distinctly unappetising pastrami in his time. It’s just… he’s not exactly the guy you always want on the front line. With no special powers, he can be a bit of a liability. An action hero, he is not.
This is part of the reason why Slayers traditionally worked alone: they didn’t want to be distracted in the middle of a battle, having to constantly check whether their clumsy buddy had tripped over and impaled himself on his own stake. The likes of Angel, Spike and Faith are the people you want by your side in a fight.
5 He Resents Being Given The ‘Easy Jobs’
Within the Scooby Gang, the members tend to have their own assigned roles. The almost excessively British Giles, for instance, is the research whizz, the fountain of all demonic knowledge. He’s backed up in that regard by Willow, who’s a huge bookworm and a super talented witch to boot.
Meanwhile, Xander does a little bit of everything, but is usually sent off somewhere safe when things get hairy. At one stage, he laments the fact that he’s the guy sent off to fetch the donuts for everybody and is often made fun of for being useless to the group. Buffy has no faith in him, and it often shows.
4 Xander Is Incredibly Jealous Of Buffy’s Relationships
As we know, then, Xander’s hopeless attraction to Buffy is a huge part of his character, especially earlier in the show’s run. So many of us can empathise with the poor guy’s feelings there, but what’s less acceptable is his terrible attitude towards some of Buffy’s boyfriends.
Of course, Angel and Spike aren’t exactly squeaky-clean innocents, but Xander slandered, blamed, bad-mouthed and protested about them at every opportunity. When he knew that Angel’s soul could be returned to him and lied about it, he crossed a line. How could Buffy really trust him, is he’s so jealous and petty?
3 Xander (Inadvertently) Raises The Stakes For Buffy
With Xander’s often-diminished role in combat (he’s often used as bait or something equally dignified), it stands to reason that he’s going to find himself in trouble sooner or later. After all, when you’re dealing with monstrous hordes from the depths of Hades’ clogged underworld toilet, plans are going to go awry at times.
As Buffy reaches its conclusion, the Slayer plots an assault on Caleb’s lair. He’s waiting to ambush our heroes, sadly, managing to overpower Xander and put out one of his eyes before Xander can be rescued. This moment devastated Buffy. Not only did she lose some of the precious Potentials, but Xander’s wound was a permanent reminder of how much is at stake and how she failed to protect him. How could she look him in the… eye?
2 He’s Closer To Willow
As Buffy the Vampire Slayer kicks off, we learn that Xander and Willow have a long history. They have an incredible bond, having grown up together, and it’s tough for the Slayer to establish herself as a friend to both with all of that in mind.
Who finally quells Dark Willow’s rampage? Xander, that’s who. Not by trying to punch her into the next dimension of fist-centric torment, as per Buffy’s strategy, but by appealing to what remained of her humanity by evoking childhood memories. There’s some top-tier friendship on display here, and Buffy and Xander’s own relationship just can’t compete with that.
1 He Holds Her Calling Against Her At Times
Now, we understand, Xander, we really do. Your self-confidence is hanging by a loose thread as it is. Loose enough to drop right off and roll under the kitchen counter, if we’re being honest. When your crush is cavorting with handsome, powerful vampires and flaunting her superhuman strength left and right, it’s bound to leave you feeling a little bitter and envious.
That’s all well and good, but in his more vicious moments, Xander isn’t above hitting Buffy with all kinds of low blows. He resents being the fall guy, the ‘donut man,’ and isn’t afraid to express it during some super heated arguments. The foundation of their friendship is definitely a little shaky.
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