The characters who make up the Bluth family on the Fox-turned-Netflix comedy, Arrested Development, would likely never be invited to Hogwarts in the world of Harry Potter. However, it makes for a fun thought experiment to imagine that, if they were to attend the school of witchcraft and wizardry, the Sorting Hat would likely have no idea what to make of them.
Each of the characters is a misanthrope in their own way, which might make it seem like they are all on the path for Slytherin. However, there is a case to be made that it's not so black and white. And for all their negative qualities, the houses the Bluths would be sorted into do vary a bit.
10 Michael Bluth - Ravenclaw
Michael Bluth is portrayed by Jason Bateman and he is a Ravenclaw. This might seem like a highly controversial selection, but there is merit to it. Yes, Michael is often a perpetrator of the same denigrating patterns as his family, but there is a reason why he is the one who is called upon to save the Bluths time and again.
He does have smarts. He doesn't use them for the right way, but he is a pragmatist who can figure his way out of any problem. Michael is the cleverest member of his family, even if that is not saying much.
9 Gob Bluth - Slytherin
Of all the characters on Arrested Development, perhaps Gob Bluth would actually have a shot at getting into Hogwarts. After all, he is a magician (read: illusionist) and maybe his card tricks and arsenal of dead doves would actually impress Dumbledore.
It seems unlikely that Gob would impress the sorting hat, however. With his streaks of selfishness and noncommittal ambition received from the comfort of his family's wealth, there are great similarities between Gob and Draco Malfoy. That's why Gob is a Slytherin through and through. He'd feel right at home in those dungeons.
8 Lindsay Bluth - Slytherin
Lindsay Bluth is destined for the dormitories of Slytherin, as well. She has a similar amount of ambition, when compared to Gob, and she is also willing to do whatever it takes to follow through on that quality.
Unfortunately, for the people who needed to care about her, this often comes at their expense. Lindsay would throw her own daughter to the side (and often forget she exists) if it meant she could get what she wanted on any given day. That certainly is reminiscent of traits within some of the more famous Slytherin members, like the Malfoys and Tom Riddle.
7 Buster Bluth - Hufflepuff
Buster Bluth, the comically inept youngest brother of the Bluth siblings, is a Hufflepuff. This might seem like an insult to Hufflepuffs as to put Buster alongside them is to perpetuate the stereotype that Hufflepuffs are bumbling buffoons.
However, Buster is a Hufflepuff for many more reasons than simply his utter confusion on how to be a functioning adult. He is also fiercely, devoutly loyal to his mother, Lucille. He is always aiming to make her happy, often at his own detriment. Granted, this might not be healthy behavior, but arrested development does not preclude someone from Hogwarts admission.
6 Tobias Funke - Slytherin
It did not take long to fall back into the Slytherin category for Arrested Development characters because that is undeniably where Tobias belongs. Granted, he has a smaller amount of ambition than his wife and brother-in-law, but he also seems to have an endless barrage of schemes up his sleeves. This shows marked resourcefulness, even if his ideas are often misguided.
Yes, Tobias' plans are often out of his control and only happen to work out on occasion by accident. But no one ever said that Slytherins had to be exclusively cunning. There are some genial Slytherins, as well. Tobias would be hapless among them, but the spirit of Salazar rides within him yet.
5 George Michael Bluth - Hufflepuff
If Buster is representative of some of the more stereotypically negative Hufflepuff qualities, then George Michael is a shimmering bastion to the good within Hufflepuffs. No, he is not perfect, but he always tries to do the right thing and is consistently conflicted by his own moral compass.
George Michael often ends up relegated to the status of a punching bag among those who know him, but by the fourth season, he does begin to grow a spine. If he went to school at Hogwarts, he would blossom into one of Hufflepuff's finest students.
4 Maeby Funke - Slytherin
Back to Slytherin. That didn't take long. But Maeby, save for one character who is just around the corner of this list, might be the most bona fide Slytherin in the entire Bluth orbit. She takes after her father with her ceaseless scheming, but she actually has a bit of a wit to her ambitions.
Both her and Tobias have pretended to be people they are not, but only Maeby had the wherewithal to actually get away with it for some time. She would make for an excellent addition to Slytherin's crop of ambitious schemers and plotters.
3 George Bluth - Gryffindor
George, played by Jeffrey Tambor, is a Gryffindor. This one, like the selection for Michael, could be controversial, but it has merit. Just like not all Slytherins are evil and not all Hufflepuffs are jovial, Gryffindors are not always purely good. It might be easy to categorize people in this way, but life doesn't work that way. Everyone has a little bit of everything within them.
While George is not necessarily a courageous spirit, he is quite reckless and quick to anger. Extremely impulsive in all the wrong ways, George is an emblematic Gryffindor, even if he wouldn't lay his life down for the people he loves.
2 Lucille Bluth - Slytherin
Lucille Bluth is a straight up Slytherin and this is probably the choice that would be unanimously agreed upon on the list. There are so many Slytherins on the list and this can be traced back to Lucille, whose cold ruthlessness has percolated throughout the Bluths for their entire lives. Her actions often come across as snakelike, as she is more concerned with status than she is with being liked or liking people, in return.
Lucille harbors loyalty to no one who does not completely fawn over her and most importantly, she knows that she teeters on the border of evil. And she revels in it.
1 Ron Howard - Ravenclaw
Ron Howard is not a member of the Bluth family, but he knows more about them than they know about each other. Such is the role of an omniscient narrator who often seems to be far more than just a meta player in the show. Bringing this list full circle, Ron Howard is a Ravenclaw.
He is whip-smart, quick to judge, and understanding of the motives of people around him. Howard will always deliver the facts with his narration, but he also possesses intuition on the scenarios that brings his insights to the next level. Someone has to be an intelligent adult in the world of Arrested Development, after all.
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