The Good, The Bad and The Ugly is not only one of the best Spaghetti Westerns ever made but it also ranks highly in many "Greatest Movies Of All Time" lists. Director Sergio Leonne created an everlasting masterpiece in this final installment of the Dollars Trilogy. A perfectionist, he was one of the few filmmakers who believed in bleeding for art. Stanley Kubrick appeared to share similar beliefs. Apart from its catchy theme song, the film stands out for its quotes. The characters seem too intelligent to be mere weather-beaten gunslingers. Wrong career choice perhaps? Maybe education was boring for them.
Credit has to be given to the screenplay team of Luciano Vincenzoni, Sergio Donati, and Furio Scapelli. The starring duo of Clint Eastwood (Blondie aka The Good) and Eli Wallach (Tuco aka The Ugly) also outdid themselves. The juiciest quotes are from conversations between these two. Even though Lee Van Cleef (Angel Eyes aka The Bad) also shines, the film is more of the 'Adventures of Tuco and Blondie.' Here are the most memorable quotes.
10 "Hey, Amigo! You Know You Have a Face Beautiful Enough To Be Worth Two Thousand Dollars?"
When a couple of bounty hunters locate Tuco, one of them makes fun of his ugly face. Tuco would have been clearly named the "Sexiest Man Alive" by People Magazine if the honor existed in the 1860s. That's because he could have held a gun to the Editor's head. Choose amigo! My ugly face on the cover or bullet in your jaw.
There is a lot that the bounty hunters could do with $2000. Maybe buy handkerchiefs to wipe the desert dust off their faces? Amidst the excitement, Blondie appears, ready to spoil the party. He casually lets them know that he won't let them collect the bounty. The next minute, he guns them down.
9 "When You Have To Shoot, Shoot. Don't Talk."
Actions are clearly superior to words. A one-armed man that Tuco nearly killed eight months earlier learns this the hard way. Seeking revenge, he tracks Tuco and finds him relaxing in a bathtub. He then boasts that he has learned to shoot with one arm. Good for you sir! So, does he exercise his new single-handed skills? No! He goes on to give those long graduation-like speeches that people with guns in movies like to give those without guns.
He mistakenly thinks Tuco is helpless. However, he isn't aware that Tuco is holding a gun under the water. Before the man can continue talking, Tuco pumps a few bullets into him. Tuco then jokes that the man should have just shot him instead of talking too much.
8 "I Almost Forgot... He Gave Me 1000 Dollars. I Think His Idea Was That I Kill You."
What happens when you hire a hitman to kill someone then your target pays the hitman more money to kill you? Well, if the hitman is Angel Eyes, he kills both of you. Some would call that a weird way of doing business. Others would deem it fair.
In one of the most interesting scenes in the movie, Angel Eyes reports to Baker, an old man who paid him $500 to murder another man. Unfortunately for Baker, Angel Eyes was given $1000 by the man he killed. He goes on to state that when he is paid, he always gets the job done. So he covers Baker's head with a pillow and shoots him.
7 "God Is Not On Our Side Because He Hates Idiots."
According to Blondie, Jehova likes bright humans, not the dumb ones. We'd have to dig through pages of the bible to find out if this is really the case. Blondie considers Tuco to be beneath him in IQ rankings. He'd rather be on his own but circumstances sometimes force him to work with the bandit.
While searching for the hidden gold, Tuco tells Blondie that they will be successful in their endeavor because God is on their side. However, Blondie shuts him down by stating that God doesn't like idiots. He is referring to Tuco as the idiot because clearly, Blondie considers himself the King Solomon of the American Civil War era.
6 "People With Ropes Around Their Necks Don’t Always Hang."
Angel Eyes says this in reference to the fact that bandits that have been sentenced to hang don't usually end up hanging. They are always saved by bounty hunters so that the reward money can be increased. It really isn't a bad way to make money.
Angel Eyes is aware of the merry-go-round money-making scheme that Blondie and Tuco are engaged in. Whenever Tuco gets captured, Blondie helps him escape. As a result, the bounty is increased. Blondie then turns Tuco in, collects the money and frees him again.
5 "If You Work For a Living, Why Do You Kill Yourself Working?"
Tuco is pretty much talking to himself in a scene where he is plucking off a dead chicken's feathers. He wonders why anyone would work so hard and put their own lives in danger yet they are working to live.
There's food for thought here. Is he right? Sure. You can decide not to kill yourself working but in the process, you might just kill your bank account. So, let's just assume that Tuco was coming up with an excuse for laziness. After all, his key source of income is his own reward money.
4 "There Are Two Kinds Of People, Those With Guns And Those Who Do The Digging."
Blondie said this to Tuco after the two had finally located the Confederate gold at the cemetery. Tuco mistakenly thought that they'd be a division of labor between them but he was mistaken.
Blondie quickly turns him into a slave. Even though Tuco doesn't like being ordered around by anyone, he reluctantly agrees. After all, he is not in the MCU. He knows that bullets don't bounce off his body.
3 "The Next Town Is 70 Miles... If You Save Your Breath, I Feel a Man Like You Could Manage It."
After having enough of Tuco's complaints, Blondie cuts ties with him, takes the bounty that they are supposed to share before riding away on his horse. He tells Tuco to save his breath and try walking 70 miles. So much for being 'The Good.'
Luckily, Tuco manages to get to the nearest town and begins plotting revenge on Blondie. He manages to capture Blondie too but his plan to leave him to die in the desert as well backfires after he discovers that Blondie has been told the location of the Confederate gold.
2 "You May Run The Risks, My Friend, But I Do The Cutting. If We Cut Down My Percentage... Who knows? It Might Just interfere With My Aim."
Tuco has become greedy. Or is he ambitious? Maybe he just knows his worth. He demands the bigger cut of the bounty because he is the one who normally gets captured and placed on the hangman's noise. He feels that Blondie's job of shooting the rope is an easy one.
Tuco also feels that if he faces a greater risk because if Blondie misses, he will die. As expected Blondie wants to hear none of it. He cheekily makes it clear that if his cut is reduced, his aim might be affected as well. A classic case of "if the money isn't right, I won't do the job well "
1 "If You Miss You Better Miss Very Well. Whoever Double-crosses Me And Leaves Me Alive Understands Nothing About Tuco. Nothing!"
The brilliant thing about Tuco is that he always had very witty responses to everything he was told. For example, After Blondie suggests that he might intentionally miss his shot at the noose, Tuco issues a threat of his own.
He tells Blondie to make sure he's dead or else he'll exert revenge. Interestingly, Blondie still manages to double-cross Tuco at the end of the movie by leaving him with a noose around his neck and no way to access his cut of the Confederate gold. For a man called 'The Good', he really did some terrible yet laughable things to Tuco.
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